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Music = Life

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I failed [04 Jul 2008|08:12pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

My job as being a sister...
I feel horrible

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Lets see how far we've come.. [21 Apr 2008|06:56pm]
[ mood | calm ]

So here I am at the end of my sophomore year of college. I am almost dumbfounded on how old everyone is getting. I mean, Miquela is 21 now and I just want to be that age. But I dont at the same time cause that means I will be done with college. I think I have found my niche in the world. I have been told for as long as I can remember, that I pick people and situations apart. I don't do this to judge people, I do it because I can't stop analyzing the minds of people. I keep looking up how the mind works and I love it. I am obsessed with the brain, emotions, actions, perceptions, sensations, etc. I love learning and seeing first hand distorted perceptions. I think this is why I like finding out how certain drugs work on a persons brain.
I love forensics as well. I feel like I have the kind of mind that can pick apart a criminals mind until they crack. I guess you can say I have a little "sociopath" in me, but I need it. I need that insanity in my own mind to see what is wrong with a murders mind or even a rape victims mind. I know im not making sense but I dont care. Im just writing for the nature of it.
So thats my major. In two years I will be a psychologist. In 5+ years I will be a forensic psychiatrist.
Anyways. I think Im doing pretty well for myself. I am moving in with Miquela officially in August. Im living with her now but in August we are getting our place. I can't believe I found her. I have been doing everything on my own. It feels great. School is hard but of course it is. If it was easy, it wouldn't be worth it. I look at people getting fucked up and raving and partying and I get a little jealous. But then I realize that I have to think about my future and my life. Ill have time to party later. Right now, I need to focus. And I am.

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Its been a while [21 Feb 2008|10:10am]
[ mood | happy ]

So wow, its been forever since i've written in here.
Well pretty much everything is going very well
I have an amazing girl that im crazy over
I love that girl very much
I am moving in with her in the summer.
School is going fantastically.
I have changed alot, and for the better
Im not the person many of you know and I like that
Cause maybe now you can find out who I truly am.
Everything is going really well for me right now.
I can't wait until summer though
School has been tough!
17 credits is insane but Im making it alright!
i can't believe its almost spring break.
I have to get a colonoscopy though.

I have been sick alot lately and Im scared
But ill be alright
I need to get alot of blood work done as well.
So hopefully ill be all better soon
I dont want it to bother me too much.
But Im off to class :]
Bye <3

5 comments|post comment

Time to speak my mind [10 Dec 2007|09:16pm]
I have something to just get off my chest and out to all of you. This whole bogus "Ron Paul Revolution" thing is getting on my nerves. You really have no idea what you are talking about if you are for him. He has some basic points that almost every canidate is thinking about today which is opposition to the Iraq war and opposition to the Patriot which frankly both are no-brainers. He is however against universal health care. He believes government should stay away from health care which doesn't really help us much. He apposes women's rights to chose an abortion. He thinks that the states should make their own laws around this issue. This inevitably would make the red states outlawed and blue states legal. Why should only a part of American women be able to chose? All American women should. What really makes me confused is that he wants to abolish the US department of Education, and leave all of these decisions up to the states. This would make it nearly impossible for poor families to fund education for their children. This is an absolutely ridiculous notion. That would affect America and its' future greatly. Another thing is he believes in free market, completely. This means no governmental oversight over businesses. Big business would make it impossible for little business to grow and completely trash our environment. Not only would this hurt economy, but our environment as well. The next point he has is ridiculous. He wants to pull out of the UN completely. This would create a lot more enemies with foriegn nations. This idea is to stupid to even concieve of. Oh and another thing, he is linked to several white suppremacy groups. This man basically is against all laws presented recently, and has voted no on anything. He isn't a leader, he's a follower. He has some good basic stances but nothing to back it up with. If you are really for him, you are very ignorant and need to go back into highschool and take govenment or better yet, read up on him rather than follow the crowd. Stop being sheep in a herd and come up with your own opinions. I bet you only like him because he wants weed legal. Oh I see your case now...
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Dear Mr. President [20 Nov 2007|11:05am]
I write to you not as a citizen
but a friend.
I hope you take my advice
and learn from it.
Let me start out by asking you why.
Why are sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and friends,
dying in unknown territory?
Why is my friend denied healthcare?
Why are the people on the streets
growing in numbers?
Why are the trees disappearing,
and the land becoming baren?
Why is everything becoming costly
and difficult to afford?
I am not trying to instigate,
just ask.

A simple answer to all these
questions would suffice.
Coming from a person that lives
day in and day out trying to make
ends meet, I would like to know
if you are truly doing your job
back in the white house.
You are supposed to protect us.
Guide us. Listen to us.
Yet you only listen to yourself,
and do what is "right" to increase
your enormous paycheck.
You take our money, privacy, and liberties,
in exchange for a "better America."
Well excuse me for being blunt sir,
but open your eyes for once,
and see that our country is falling apart.
Our freedom is being compromised,
and we do not like it.

I know that you will not even read this letter.
This letter will end up in a stack,
of recycled papers, never to be heard from.
But if you truly are the man
that you say you are,
you will read this and take notice.
You have destroyed the American dream.
I guess there is nothing left to say
to you except, enjoy your blow and alcohol
and continue to turn your back on your people.

Chelsea Palles
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Baby its FACT [09 Nov 2007|10:02am]
[ mood | giddy ]

Our love is true!
I am so happy now a days, I don't know what to do with my self.
I have found the most amazing woman in the entire world.
She is so smart, funny, pretty, sexy, cute, sweet, etc.
She is truly my other half.
She knows exactly what I am thinking.
I feel like my heart is whole.
This is one of the richest, fullest loves I have ever felt.
Everything seems to be working out!
I really hope things stay this way.
In other news, school is going surprisingly well.
I have cleaned up my act, and my body.
The only vice I have is smoking like a chimney :[
But maybe that will be my new years' resolution.
AHHH I cannot wait to kiss her at midnight!
And celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah!
Hmm, I will have enough money for a car in about two months.
I really need one! But I can wait till then.
Great job, great friends, great love.
Everything is great.
Only a minor problem is a little baby weight gain,
but it is healthy weight.
I no longer look like a drugged out crack whore! :]
Well peace, love, and all that good stuff to the rest of you!

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A new beginning [26 Oct 2007|12:09am]
[ mood | content ]

This is the best I have felt in a year.
I have moved on and it feels great.
Seeing as how you both will read this,
I might as well be honest.
"Best friends" status no longer will apply.
At all. Not until you both have matured.
You both can stay in the past but I hope you don't go backwards,
Cause Im moving on.
I am doing what is best for me,
My girlfriend,
My friends,
My life.
I should have done this a long time ago.
I know you both are happy,
and that's great.
God knows its not jealousy.
I am head over heels in love with an amazing woman.
I just hope one day when our paths cross,
you will by then realize how manipulative you are.
You aren't lame, or pathetic or don't know any better.
Its not that.
You just crave control and when you don't have it,
you get bored.
Well my life is not a game.
I am done being the pawn.
I have people that love me for even my flaws.
And in the words of my amazing best friend "what flaws?"
So enjoy your freshman year of college.
May good things come your way.
Peace out!

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Do I sit here and try to stand it? [24 Oct 2007|06:37pm]
Or do I try to catch them red-handed.
This year has in a nutshell, been an eye opener. I have been hurt so much I can't even begin to describe. If you were there you would know. I still wonder why I talk to you two. What you did to me is seriously the most evil, malicious and heartless thing. You cheated on me. You lied to me. You stole her. You made me feel insane. You treated me like I was shit. You stabbed me in the back. You continued to lie. You led me on. This whole time it has been chelsea is crazy, chelsea needs help, blah blah blah. Look in the fucking mirror for once and see that you are evil. I shouldn't forgive you ever but I have to because thats the kind of person I am. I hope your happy. I am done. No more using me. No more favors. No more help with anything. I have a new life that doesn't include you. I am in love and happy. Grow up children.
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Summer 2k7 [19 Aug 2007|10:34pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

Last night of summer.
Things have changed so much.
Doors closed, doors opened, others are just on hold.
I have grown alot this summer.
I have found out what love is and what life should be about.
I am glad that I have learned so much.
Its truly a blessing.

My best friend and first true love is leaving in a day.
I will miss her so much.
It will be a new life for us both.
I am so proud of her.
Well, here goes another semester as a sun devil!

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The Secret [16 Jul 2007|12:14am]
Is a good movie.
You must see it.

This list is for me so ignore it if you want.
Im grateful for:
-My health
-My family
-My loving friends
-My roof over my head
-My clothes on my back
-My generousity
-My forgiving nature
-My love...I have so much to give
And so much more.
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Im gonna miss you like a child misses thier blanket [09 Jul 2007|03:38pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

This summer has opened up a bunch of doors for me.
It also has closed a few.
I started the summer loosing someone close.

She's still in my head and I hope to see her again.
I do miss you alot.
I hope you think of me too.

I ended up falling in love with someone new.
Someone I didnt expect to.
She and I had an amazing summer.
Too bad it ended so soon.
She left on saturday for Africa.
Then she's head back to Tucson.

I miss her.
As the summer starts to end, I see the bigger picture.
Another love and best friend leaves in a month and a half.
For Las Vegas.

I don't know how Ill make it through without her.
Any of them.
I guess its time to be a big girl.
And big girls dont cry right?

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I miss [22 Jun 2007|07:23pm]
So bad.
I miss the way things were.
I miss alot of things.

You were my bestest and I took you for granted.
Please, come back into my life.
I need you.
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Am I the only one thats vulnerable? Impossible [06 May 2007|04:44pm]
I am vulnerable right now.
I am sad and little.
Puny I guess is the word.

"I want to wrap you in a warm safety blanket"
Why can't I be straight so that I can be with the guy that said that?

This week has been the week from hell.
I took it out on the girl I love too.
So now I missed my chance again to have her back.
The week consisted of (on top of finals and leaving),
Being robbed of lots of $,
Finding out something is potentially serious with my body,
Being the pawn in the game of being drugged intentionally.

I don't feel good.
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I think the hardest times have finally gone and past us [29 Apr 2007|02:58pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Today has been a lonely but satisfying day. I awoke next to the girl of my dreams again. I will never get sick of seeing her gorgeous face. In that moment between reality and fiction, I saw a glimpse of my reason to keep pressing on.

I have made my sins. I have my skeletons in my closet.
Yet I will not let them slow me down. I will not let you or anyone else bring me down.
I admit to my flaws and I am growing from it.
Hell, I'm only young once.

As I look through my dorm of all the stuff that has accumulated over this year,
I get quite nostaligic. I barely skimmed the surface of my potential,
but at least I passed. No matter how much I say "I hate this place," I will miss it.
I looked out my window today and saw my home.
This is the town I have come to love over the past year.
I am so blessed to have all this.

"The Knights of the Square Table" have less than two weeks to say goodbye.
Time for us to disperse and move forward towards our goals.
It won't be the same for us. So many memories flicker through my mind.
The tears, the laughs, the sophmoric behavior, the love, the friendships.

I guess by now you have all stopped reading my mindless banter.
But that's okay by me because this isn't for you for once.
It's for me. It's so I can look back and see where I have been going on this nonsensical roller coaster called life.
Bah. I am not making sense at all. Go about your day. :]

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This is your life, are you who you want to be? [22 Apr 2007|11:45am]
Today and yesterday, were reality checks.
A bomb shell was dropped on my head.

This week chelsea has endured:
-Crazy druggie bitches
-Falling so fast for someone who is too scared.
-Being led on
-Being told what really is happening
-Telling the truth about my addiction

Lets break these down shall we?
Laura, I liked alot, till she went crazy and tried to steal my friends.
She has borderline personality disorder.
Goodbye psycho!

Next, I had a crush....that turned into more.
And I fell hard.
Now she has a boyfriend. Cool.

The led on thing...always happens

What the news that came up was that apparently things have come back with an old flame.
And it shocked me and kinda hurt.
But idc anymore. I dont think.

And the last, is the first time Ive said it.
Maybe you all will read it.
I have a current addiction that my best friends are helping with.
I believe to be semi-addicted to ecstacy.
I crave it more so than I crave water or food.
I am going to get help.

I hate sundays
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Because I knew you, I have been changed for good. [11 Apr 2007|05:34pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I haven't written in this in a while.
I don't really know why I am now.
Maybe it's because I have things to say.
Or maybe cause this is the only place I know of where you will see this.
If you do glance on over here, know I will miss you.
I have learned so much because of you.
I am sorry if I hurt you or you just wanted to move on.

I am still here for you.
My phone is always on, for you.
I hope you remember the number.
And remember me.
Cause I know you'll be with me. Like a handprint on my heart.

I hope you remember these things:
Drunken nights at my house, dorm, your work, etc.
Days at the lake.
Laser tag.
Winter trips.
Cartel, Senses Fail, etc concerts.
Going crazy and flirting with the boys cause we can.
And so much more.

I hope to hear from you, best friend,
Partner in crime,
Beer pong partner,


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Pet Peeve [05 Jan 2007|12:22am]
[ mood | blah ]

The death of someone you know is NOT an excuse to:
A) Draw attention to yourself
B) Blog/ post bullitens/ obsess over how dramatic your life is.
C) Say over and over,"I know how you feel" or "Are you ok?"

It is a time to:
A) Be there for friends in their time of need.
B) Rejoice in the life and good times that this person had.
C) Pray for families/ friends/ etc.

With that said, live your life.
Say I love you to everyone in your life.
Never hang up, go to sleep, or leave on a bad note.

I love the brat pack

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Merry Christmas [25 Dec 2006|10:06am]
[ mood | blah ]

So its Christmas time again, boys and girls.
Another year has come to a close.

This one was a doozy of a year.
I started it with one person, continued with another, and ending it alone.
I think that be being alone this year is what was intended for me.
To see if I can handle it.

The past three weeks have been a test from someone up there to see if I can hack it.
I survived.
I even survived choking and passing out.
I made it through heart break so far.

I have not been single for about four years.
I don't know where to start.
I mean, I would love to just be with a boy, but I know thats not what I want.
"It's hard being in a same-sex relationship, but it's gotta be a lot harder to be single."
Thanks mom.
No mater how much I have been hurt, you're still here with me.
I promise you that much.
I just hope you put in the effort too.

Yes, I would love to have you be mine again, but so many things have gotten in the way.
Your heart is closed to me now.
I know underneath the protective shell is the love you had for me.
I don't want to dig it out right now cause I know you need to experience life yourself.
Maybe down the road, things will mend.
I know you don't see it happening, but first loves are never really over.
I love you, but I'm not going to be here dwelling on you like some others do.
I hope you find what you are looking for.

Merry Christmas

2 comments|post comment

Time is valuable thing [10 Dec 2006|10:32pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

So for most of you that know me, you know that me and my baby broke up.
It really sucks that it ended so fast.
I was truly in love. No questions about it.
I hate jinxing things. :/
Now five days passed, and she has moved on.

Tonight was just the breaking point.
My mind gave way to everything and I snapped.
I would rather hurt every day of my life than see her cry.
I would do absolutly anything to see her smile.
Maybe down the road, things will recollect for us.
First loves are never really over.
I will miss it.
But I hope to see you just as much.
I am here, for better or for worse.
Love you always.

Thank you to a few good friends for helping me back on my feet
and teaching me how to breathe again.
I love you all.

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[05 Dec 2006|08:12pm]
I hurt
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